It's Over! What Do I Do NOW?

“My husband just shocked me with the news that after 14 years and some ups and downs, he wants out of our marriage. I am panicked and don’t have a clue what to do. What do I do first?”

This week let’s talk about the first, scary
questions you have when you start the divorce journey; either because of an
internal realization that you must get a divorce or from your spouse having made
that decision. “My husband just shocked me with the news that after 14 years and
some ups and downs, he wants out of our marriage. I am panicked and don’t have a
clue what to do. What do I do first?”

Easy to say, but first take a deep
breath! Some half of all marriages end in divorce, you are not alone! Everyone
has a friend or member of their family who has divorced. This is a good time to
allow yourself to be embraced by the comfort of friendship and the love of
family. Use anonymous resources as well, join support groups or go to a
therapist. And anything you do for yourself is equally effective for your
children. Emotional well being for you and your children allows you the mental
stability to approach the financial portion of your divorce with stronger

If you had been the spouse anticipating the
divorce you would have had the time for a measured approach. You
could/should/would have determined the divorce laws of your state, gathered
needed documents, determined your financial picture, found legal and/or
financial advisors and established your own credit line.

Being confronted by an unexpected divorce,
requires more immediate action. In that case, open your own bank account and
reduce any exposure you have to shared credit card debt for which you are
responsible. Change any passwords on accounts that you would like to remain
secure to only your access. If later you are assigned sole use of the marital
home, consider changing the locks and alarm codes.

Since shared responsibility for existing
ongoing debt, such as mortgages, continues throughout and even after a divorce
it is in both your and your spouses best interest to stay current with payments.
And then, after having taken those preliminary steps, you will be ready to
tackle the process as it unfolds.
By, Divorce Information NOW
Information Now" is an ongoing column where readers can submit questions about
divorce in the comment stream and we will respond in subsequent blogs. Find us
at http://www.divorceinformationnow.com/ "

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Chris Clement February 03, 2013 at 05:31 PM
First: try to remember how happy you were when you and your spouse first met. Like how you couldn't wait for his/her phone call, counting the minutes until you'd see each other. Thinking about these things could ease some of the pain you're now feeling. Second, don't let it become a *messy* divorce, and fight over miniscule things because when this happens the only person(s) who win are the lawyers. Try REAL hard to work things out amicably. Third, keep in mind that there IS life after divorce.


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